My short story: Him. (fiction)

[love_aud]

When I had first met him I had thought he was younger then 20 because he’s only five foot seven, but as I got to know him and fall for him, he had told me he was 20 and turned 21 in July of 2010. For a 20 year he had major anxiety and depression problems, but knowing me I couldn’t help but try and help him through his rough times.
At first, I always noticed how long he paused between texts or instant messages, it really didn’t bother me because I knew he just wanted to say the right things, at the right times. He had always been cautious with what he said so he didn’t hurt me.
As we started to talk more he became less cautious and more open. During seeing him the first time I watched as he messed with his phone and his fingers, rolling his phone in his hands or picking at his hands. He tried very hard to make eye contact when he spoke to me directly.
He seemed to have many things going on in his head at once. He looked around and paused for some periods of time before he spoke. When he did make eye contact, his deep set in blue eyes looked into my soul, not only could he see my soul but I could see into his soul and I could feel a twinge of pain there. Like there was a whole other world he kept hidden just so he could show others he cared.
“Hey sweetie,” I spoke lightly, trying to make him calmer. “How are you doing?”
He smiled at me, the smile reaching his blue eyes. “Hi cutie,” his smile faded slightly as he tried to for the answer. “Better now that I can see you.”
I reached for his fingers, “Me too, this last year has been hard on both of us.”
He smiled as he played with my fingers instead of his own. Then in a surprise tug, he pulled me to his chest holding me tightly to him. “I never want to be away from you again.”
I sighed, holding onto him tightly. “You won’t have to,” right then I saw why I felt that twinge in my soul, which pulls towards him. Because deep inside he cares, under all that pain and suffering he has gone through he will not ever give up on he people he believes and cares so much about.
That’s why I stay. I want to one day care so much about someone to stop and not worry about my suffering but worry about how they are and make sure they are okay before I really take care of myself.

[Fran]

Nice little story but it needs some polishing IMO especially the grammar & I think perhaps a few typos?

[Kowalskil]

Nice little story ...

I also read this little story with pleasure.

Ludwik Kowalski

[Ant]

I liked it, keep writing Aud

[marissa_in]

Great story!

[mig_anne]

It's amazing! keep writing and one day you might be published!

[sugarbearmama]

Good story but yes it needs a little polishing, in the first paragraph there is a grammatical error, but no worries. I do have to ask however, in the first paragraph you said he had major anxiety and depression problems, an example would be intriguing, maybe he and you are having a conversation that explains a little?just a thought