When I write sometimes I can't recognize myself

[normafloresallende]

Does that happen to you? After you've written a paragraph or a story, and you read it again, it seems that the text is not yours (although you know it must be yours because you remember typing it and thinking it). This is quite a conflict I have personally with writing. The depersonalization aspect. What do you think? What is your experience?

[dancing with hugo]

Frequently it happens that I'll come across something I've written and not recognize it as my own, at first. But soon I realize I wrote it and really am pleased with myself, whether it's good or bad. I write; therefore I am.

[Thimble]

A lot of times when I write I have a hard time conveying properly the ideas I have in my head. The result is something that is just not quite right. Then it looks like I didn't write it. It's weird so I don't write as much as I would like to. I think I just need to get used it and write more. Practice makes better!

[moderntimes]

This occurs occasionally to me but in a good way. I'll reread something in my fiction and see that the narrator is not me, and intentionally so, and that the person who's talking is described very nicely and faithfully, not fakey or poorly, even though that personality is absolutely not mine. But when I wrote the passage, I was of course intentionally trying to create a different mentality and personality from mine, and I apparently succeeded, because after some time putting the passage aside and coming back to it, I'm pleasantly surprised that I managed to capture a different person's thoughts and depict them.

I write mystery fiction and the occasional horror story so my characters are of course sometimes nasty and weird. So not being able to recognize myself in the character is a good thing. I shudder at some of the characters I've created and am glad I'm not them.

Most indicative of this is the superb but very disturbing novel "Blood Meridian" by Cormac McCarthy. Those who think they've read scary fiction and imagine a terrible villain in the stories they've read (mostly YA fantasy sorcerers it seems) have zero idea what evil is until they read about "The Judge" in Blood Meridian. I absolutely recommend this novel -- frightening and nightmarish I warn you but compelling. It's an account of a band of bloody scalp hunters who rampage thru the 1840s Texas/Mexican area.

Anyway, I met Cormac McCarthy a few times when he lived in El Paso as did I, just after publication of Blood Meridian which kicked up a literary storm in the USA. He's a quiet, introspective, and peaceful guy who's easy to chat with and seems to not have a bitter piece in his soul. Yet he created the horrific "Judge" -- easily the most terrible villain of all.

So you really aren't what you write (if you are, you better hope that you're a nice person, ha ha)

[Cee-Jay Aurinko]

I know what you mean. But trust me, this is completely natural. I know I'm not a good writer. If I was, I would've been published already. But sometimes, magic flows out of my fingers, and paints characters and worlds that makes my heart beat tenfold its normal speed. It happens as sure as breathing. And when it happens, I'm never prepared to find out that indeed, I may have a writer in me. The words on the page feel like they have been sent to me by some Upper Force, and I'm left wondering, "Was it really me who just wrote that?" Once I wrote a really good 2000 word short story in two hours, and I couldn't believe what I was reading. So, yeah, I've felt exactly how you felt. And the magic seems to come to me at least once a week. Just hope I could turn that magic on at will. Wouldn't that be awesome?

[moderntimes]

Leon my only complaint with your post is that you say you know you aren't a good writer. That's the kiss of authorial death, my friend.

It's just fine to say "I've not YET been published" because every writer is at that stage at some point. But my recommendation is to pursue the goal of getting published and keep at it. Your post is well written and very literate and I'm certain that your writing is good to sell.

Everyone has that "first sale" so don't stop yourself or sell yourself short.

[KS Crooks]

I enjoy when this happens. this means I am thinking in the realm of my story or like my characters, instead of as myself. Sometimes an entire conversation seems to write itself as if I have multiple personalities at work. I think the best things happen when they flow on their own.

[moderntimes]

I enjoy when this happens. this means I am thinking in the realm of my story or like my characters, instead of as myself. Sometimes an entire conversation seems to write itself as if I have multiple personalities at work. I think the best things happen when they flow on their own.

Agreed. It's a learned skill that is very important to being able to write fiction -- the ability to create independent characters who think for themselves. Otherwise all the dialogue sounds the same and in fact each character must have his/her own vocabulary and sentence structure. VERY hard to do at first but the knack comes with intense concentration, and then, as you become more capable in this, you can do it "automatically" for the most part.

A trick I learned early: When I first started writing fiction, I'd treat my characters as marionettes and "force" them to say things that I wanted them to. And the result was empty and dry dialogue, lifeless.

Then I tried to put my characters into the situation (a meeting or argument or love affair or whatever), let them loose, and simply sit back and take dictation. Of course it comes from inside the mind anyway but this little trick helped me learn how to create specific and unique characters.

Nowadays I just start typing and the dialogue flows, as you said. Hard to do at first but it gets easier with practice. Like I said, a learned skill.

You might skip over to another thread here that I started, "How to have a conversation w. several characters" and see how I wrote the dialogue for a meeting w. a half dozen people.

[Jesska6029]

[quote="normafloresallende"]Does that happen to you? After you've written a paragraph or a story, and you read it again, it seems that the text is not yours (although you know it must be yours because you remember typing it and thinking it).quote]

This happens to me all the time! It's so strange. I can pull two paragraphs from the same text, and anyone else who reads it wouldn't think both were written by me.

[zeldas_lullaby]

NormaF: You know, it almost sounds as if you're channeling something that's greater than you are. I think I heard once that Marion Zimmer Bradley channeled the Mists of Avalon, somehow. (Don't quote me on that.) But it seems really interesting to me: almost like you're doing automatic writing. (You should look that up.) It does sound a bit dissociative, or it might be that you're incredibly mercurial and you "shift" every few minutes. I'd suggest that you find a way to use it to your advantage, because from where I'm sitting, it seems kinda nifty.

[moderntimes]

It's amazing in the ways that we use our brains in such mixed and complex ways. For me, I can now "speak" in accordance with my various characters and use their specific language traits and habits, errors or not, and now I don't think about it a second -- it comes automatically when I write, now. I introduced a new character recently and it took a while for me to formulate his dialogue but soon I had it -- he's very "deck" (hip) and speaks in lots of cliche terms used by many young folks, a bit annoying but that's his personality, not a bad dude but maybe he'd get on your nerves after a while.

And others who seem to "channel" other personalities or entities in their writing.

Of course it's all within that space between our ears, but it's fun to visualize all the varied "people" in there, lurking or prowling about.