Guess who wrote this!

[laci_baby]

Thank you, Thank you.

Oh no...me towards kids is like the Grinch towards Christmas. Painful and unnecessary.
Welcome back though, hope you had fun.

[StephenKingman]

Cor! I go on holiday to Wales for a few weeks, and come back to find you are now a Moderator. Congratulations. (I am just fantasizing about you in your new Mod uniform... Thigh-high black boots, whip, spam-axe...)

We can't wait 20 years. Think of biological clocks. Don't you plan for us to have children?

Wow what a post

Im a mod too you know, mind you i might not look as good as laci in the black boots

[laci_baby]

Lol...i dunno SKM i have all of that in my closet, you could borrow them if you want them...

[StephenKingman]

Lol...i dunno SKM i have all of that in my closet, you could borrow them if you want them...

Hey, im a man who will try anything once....

[laci_baby]

Heehee....i want pictures!!

[StephenKingman]

Heehee....i want pictures!!

The only pictures you will get are ones that are definitely taken without my permission so im going to be watching my back ha!

[laci_baby]

Drat...maybe i shouldnt have given that part of my plan away.....

[C0ldf1re]

...me towards kids is like the Grinch towards Christmas. Painful and unnecessary...

(Sad and wistful sigh...) Having more children is rather important to me. (Even sadder and long-drawn-out sigh...) Perhaps you could have an epidural so they aren't painful, and I could hire a nanny to look after them?

The only pictures you will get are ones that are definitely taken without my permission so im going to be watching my back ha!

Actually, I know a true story about a fellow who annoyed a group of girls. It concluded by them taking some rather embarrassing pictures of him. I know it's true, because one of the girls showed me the pictures later. I suppose I'd better not post the whole story. The Mods would probably delete it.

[laci_baby]

No thank you, no thank you, no thank you!!!
Im rather germaphobic when it comes to kids, and just the mention of epiderals, kids and clocks are freaking me out. Did i mention no thank you?

[C0ldf1re]

... Im rather germaphobic when it comes to kids...

You were talking about showing me how to bake cookies several posts back.

My little girl, Zara, and I baked some cookies on Sunday. "Take packet of Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookie mix,"... etc. My imagination just produced a future-scope...

Zara: "Daddy, who is this lady in our kitchen?"

Me: "Darling, let me introduce Daddy's new girlfriend, Laci. You are going to be such friends. Laci is going to teach you how to bake proper cookies like a grown-up lady."

Zara: "How wonderful! A grown-up lady to be my friend!"

Me: "If we are really nice to Laci, she might stay and be your new Mommy."

Zara: "What does that word 'Mommy' mean?"

Me: "It is American for 'Mummy'. Laci is from America, like the Simpsons."

Zara: "Daddy, how can we be nice to Laci so she stays?"

Me: "Spend lots and lots of money on Laci, and keep telling her how beautiful she is. After a while, her brains will turn to Jell-O, and Laci will think that Daddy looks like Brad Pitt, only better."

Zara: "Daddy, what is 'Jell-O'?"

Me: "American for 'jelly', dear. When Americans say 'jelly', it's what we call 'jam'. Don't worry. You'll soon be bilingual."

Zara: "Daddy, who is Brad Pitt?"

Me: "Like Prince Charming, but with an American accent."

Zara: "Daddy, I am a truthful little girl. I can't really see much of Laci, so it is difficult to honestly say that I think she is beautiful. Why is Laci wearing a protective suit, like Homer Simpson wears in Mr Burns' atomic power plant in the opening scenes?"

Laci (muffled voice): "To keep me safe from little-girl germs."

Zara: "Daddy, Laci's voice was all muffled and I couldn't hear what Laci said. Why is Laci wearing that protective suit?"

Me: "Laci is from America, darling, like Homer Simpson. They dress different there."

Zara: "So Laci can help me grow up like Lisa Simpson? That will be wonderful!"

And they all lived happily ever after...

[laci_baby]

Hmm... Four flaws with this plan.
1. I hate brad pitt
2. I assure you even that suit would keep me paranoid, and not keep me safe.
3. Mommy? no, no, no, no, no....ect.
4. I want a bigger brain, not a jello brain!! =(

It's like your trying to kill me........

(Zara is a cute name though.....but thats as close as i get.)

[C0ldf1re]

I hate brad pitt

That's good. Brad looks nothing like me. He's far darker for a start.

It's like your trying to kill me........

Like John Dillinger, I seem to be a Most Misunderstood Man.

Zara is a cute name though.....but thats as close as i get.

Zara is Arabic for 'desert rose'. It came into fashion after Zara Phillips was named. (She is the daughter of Princess Anne, who is the daughter of HM The Queen.) Why should a British Royal have an Arabic name? A little-known historic fact is that HM The Queen is a direct decendant of the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him).

[Perrywinkle47]

Well, that was an easy question. It was surely written by a man. Even if a woman understands the fact that men are better at suspense and sci-fi, she would still never agree to it. So, it has to be by a man!

[laci_baby]

I knew who you meant by Zara Phillips and Queen Anne, Coldf1re.
Or should i say John Dillinger?

[KarenDell]

Well, you certainly had me fooled, Coldfire! I thought you might be a woman writing, until your photo showed you are 100% a man.

Your children look lovely. No wonder you would like more!

Your writing seems well above average. Have you ever been published? Was there a special reason for asking whether readers could tell your gender, like are you thinking about writing on female-interest subjects?