Princess and the Peeve

[C0ldf1re]

The scene: Reception chambers of the Princess.

"So why are we waiting, Agnes?" asked one young lady.

"Because we are Ladies in Waiting, Bernice. That rather defines us."

"But what for?" asked another lady.

"The usual, Cassandra. The Knight in Shining Armour comes to pay court to our Princess. You two have to whisper to me everything that happens."

"Why's that, Agnes?" asked Cassandra, who was new to Court.

"Because I'm a bit short-sighted, and deaf as well. It's what they call inbreeding. But you have to do whatever I say, because I'm the daughter of a Duke, and you're only the daughters of Earls."

"Here he comes, and his armour is even shinier than ever," whispered Bernice.

"So what's he saying to the Princess, then? I suppose it's the usual. She's the most beautiful lady in the world, and he thinks of her day and night? She's the only lady he could ever love? It gets a bit boring."

"Oh," sighed Cassandra. "If a knight in shining armour said that to me, I'd never get tired of it."

"Shush!" hissed Bernice. "I'm trying to listen... Oh. Oh. Oh!"

"Oh, what?" demanded Agnes.

"This isn't going to his normal script at all. It seems there's this hop-picker girl he used to knock off, and who jilted him..."

"And?"

"Well, it seems they're back in touch... The moment he gets back from courting the Princess, he sends carrier pigeons to the hop-picker girl... He's going to stay with the hop-picker girl for a while to help her poor old mother... Unblock her drains... Get rid of the greenfly on her roses... Fix her chimney... That sort of thing."

"Gosh," whispered Cassandra. "He is so kind. I suppose the Princess is pleased."

"No, she doesn't look pleased at all."

"Cassandra, dear," interjected Agnes, "he has made it look as if he is going to crawl on his hands and knees to the hop-picker girl, and plead with her to knock him off again."

"He's going to do that?" Cassandra was horrified.

"Possibly," explained Agnes, "Or perhaps not. Otherwise he would have kept it secret. But it certainly looks that way."

"So why would she be angry if he might be innocent? Shouldn't she give him the benefit of any doubt?"

"It's an outrageous insult either way. It looks bad, but he's doing it anyway. It shows that he doesn't care about her feelings at all. Perception is reality in these matters. He is doing something that looks like a calculated insult, and that in itself is throwing a real insult in her face."

"She's just thrown something back in his face," said Bernice. "I think it was a table lamp."

"Oh, there's blood," squealed Cassandra. "He's bleeding. Should we do something to help?"

"Yes," said Agnes. "Hand her more ammunition. We're on her side."

"He's whimpering that she doesn't want him to have friends, and wants to keep him all to herself on a desert island."

"But she's always been proud that he's so popular."

"Yes, in a group. With couples. With his pals. With ugly women. Not with unattached attractive women. If he doesn't understand the exception, then he's as dim as his armour is bright."

"Now he's whining that he didn't actually do anything, and she should trust him."

"His words alone were a cruel insult almost beyond belief. He didn't need to be distrusted on anything more."

"It looks like she's yelling. What is she saying now?"

"Just sneering at him for being a craven knight. He runs away from dragons. And from unbearded squires. And from stray cats. And from butterflies."

"But that's not true, surely? Hasn't our Princess just told a lie?"

"It's a social convention among us ladies. Insults do not need to be precisely truthful. They just need to be hurtful."

"She looks like she's yelling again."

"She's calling the guards... Telling them that a smelly knight has just insulted her by bringing his malodorous carcass into her presence... Saying he needs a bath... Commanding them to drag him to the tallest tower and throw him in the moat... And there he goes..."

"So will she be happy now, having got her revenge?"

"She'll probably cry herself to sleep for a month."

"Oh, she's off somewhere. Quick, ladies! We have to follow her."

"I think she's headed to the stables."

"The stables?"

"She's going to kick his white charger."


Copyright (c) C0ldf1re 2016

[DATo]

A very accurate portrait of one of my ex-girlfriends, except my Dodge Charger was blue and not white. *LOL*

This story serves to reinforce William Congreve's testament that "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." It was a fun read and I like the device of having the story told through people overhearing the conversation. I thought that was a very clever approach to narrating the story and I am filing it away for possible use in one of my own future stories.

Thanks for the laugh! [:- )

[C0ldf1re]

... Thanks for the laugh! [:- )

Many, many, thanks for your kind review, DATo!

[gali]

Well written!

Hopefully it wasn't based on a truth story...

[DATo]

... Thanks for the laugh! [:- )

Many, many, thanks for your kind review, DATo!

You are quite welcome @C0ldf1re! I am often amazed at the creativity displayed by amateur writers on internet sites. Sometimes this creativity is presented in the novelty of the story itself and at other times by the manner in which the story is told. In your case there are several things going on at once. There is the aforementioned device of narrating the story through the conversation of eavesdroppers, and, of course, there is the story itself, and then the added style of comedy (by the way, the pun in the title was not lost on me *wink*).

[:- )

[C0ldf1re]

Well written! Hopefully it wasn't based on a truth story...

Thanks, Gali! It certainly is based on a true event.

In real life the bickering is still going on. The Knight is trying to explain that people over the age of 12 should be past jealousy, and telling the Princess that the Dalai Lama described jealousy as a corrosive emotion.

The Princess knows that the Knight is actually very clever. (He used to be a University lecturer, now runs his own business, and is a published author.)

The Princess cannot understand why he is so obtuse about some simple and obvious things. All he needs to do is kiss the Princess's feet, promise never, ever, to have anything to do with that poxy hop-picker trollop, and beg the Princess's pardon. Then the Princess can forgive him, and they can live happily ever after.

She knows she is right!

... the aforementioned device of narrating the story through the conversation of eavesdroppers...

It started as an ordinary story. Then the story became a living thing, and re-wrote itself in this style.

The worry was that, if Shakespeare never did it, then it might not be worth doing!

In real life, the Princess spend 3 days of mental pain learning how to write Shakespearean sonnets, so she could impress the Knight. He used to teach poetry, and he can dash off really good stuff in the back of a taxi.

[Jimfoxy]

This is really clever. I actually did laugh out loud.

[Camogirl217]

I loved it! Very clever!
But how can Agnes have a conversation with the other ladies if she's deaf? Her crack about inbreeding was absolutely amazing, by the way!