Heroin

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
User avatar
ZandraLynn
Posts: 13
Joined: 08 Sep 2016, 21:48
Bookshelf Size: 0
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-zandralynn.html

Heroin

Post by ZandraLynn »

Day after day and night after night
I can see your struggles
I have watched you fight
Your body is weak
Your mind is poison
The things you speak
The life you've chosen...
So many times you've lost your way
Looking for hope
Learning to pray
The pain in your eyes
The scars on your skin
A part of you dies
The demons' within
User avatar
DATo
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 6038
Joined: 31 Dec 2011, 07:54
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by DATo »

Raw and powerful! Once again, much like your last short story, you express yourself simply and that very simplicity adds an additional dimension of reality to the poem. Very well written in my opinion.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
User avatar
ZandraLynn
Posts: 13
Joined: 08 Sep 2016, 21:48
Bookshelf Size: 0
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-zandralynn.html

Post by ZandraLynn »

Thank you, this was inspired by my nest friend whom I lost to the demon.
User avatar
Ashley 1820
Posts: 267
Joined: 15 Aug 2016, 05:23
Currently Reading: Rebecca
Bookshelf Size: 21
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-ashley-1820.html

Post by Ashley 1820 »

fantastic job.as Dato said...very well writen.it's simple but powerful enough.keep it up!
User avatar
tarafarah7
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 2595
Joined: 29 Jul 2016, 22:22
Favorite Author: Mitch Albom
Favorite Book: <a href="http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/shelve ... ">tuesdays with Morrie</a>
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 1659
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-tarafarah7.html
Latest Review: Toni the Superhero by R.D. Base
Reading Device: B00IKPYKWG
fav_author_id: 2544

Post by tarafarah7 »

Sorry about your friend:-( Your last line says it all...I enjoyed reading. Thx!
User avatar
feveredpoet
Posts: 17
Joined: 09 Sep 2016, 05:29
Currently Reading: The Aeneid
Bookshelf Size: 9

Post by feveredpoet »

i found it condescending, and angry. but still poetry. i would like to have heard more of your struggle, because no one knows what that person was really going through, and all this does is paints it in a negative and judgmental way, to me. best of luck in your poetry tho.

-- 10 Sep 2016, 19:53 --

forgive me for defending those without a voice <3
User avatar
R_Coffey2017
Posts: 5
Joined: 23 Sep 2016, 18:25
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by R_Coffey2017 »

Beautifully written. Most addicts dont realize how their addictions effect those around them.
User avatar
zero_macabre
Posts: 131
Joined: 18 Sep 2016, 01:12
Currently Reading: The Snowman
Bookshelf Size: 56
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-zero-macabre.html
Latest Review: "No Simple Miracle" by Meggan Haller

Post by zero_macabre »

Amazing poem.. I loved it. As mentioned it was so simple, yet to me it brought across such a strong message. Thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Latest Review: "No Simple Miracle" by Meggan Haller
Genaaa
Posts: 221
Joined: 09 Sep 2016, 21:51
Bookshelf Size: 18
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-genaaa.html
Latest Review: "A Messiahs Battle For The Human Realm" by Roberto Torres Rivera

Post by Genaaa »

Excellent job, his is extremely well written. Despite being somewhat simple, it conveys an immense amount of emotion through the words you chose.
Latest Review: "A Messiahs Battle For The Human Realm" by Roberto Torres Rivera
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”