Trail of Deception

[Zupanatural]

It was just another coffee-and-comics weekday for ironically-scruffy student, Simon, although necessity had brought about a regrettable change of venue. His usual haunt, the endearingly dingy Cellar, was closed „until further notice” for some kind of unimaginable refurbishment and so he'd had to haul himself 300 metres further down the street to the only other alternative, Nero's Pantry.

Scrawny, leather-clad hipsters perched on leather upholstery, interspersed with token foliage and encased in glass. It looked as pretentious as it sounded and it really wasn't his kind of scene but his feet were aching after the shuffle so, eyes to the ground, in he slouched. In an ironic way of course.

It didn't seem so bad on the inside (perhaps a touch warm) and, after mumbling his order to one of the disarming barista clones, he sank into a sofa by a window and got stuck into his latest literary purchase – Slugman: Trail of Deception. This valuable research, he knew, would change the face of academia for ever, even if his father disagreed in terms quite unbefitting of a parish priest.

The Slugman of the title was an out-and-out anti-hero, an otherwise nameless drifter with hygiene issues and just one aim in life – to bring down the trowel-toting garden centre owner who had killed his family. It was a great plot by anyone's standards and there was no tearing Simon away from it.

Twenty-eight pages in, however, just as Slugman was contemplating making a move behind enemy lines to sabotage a batch of bedding geraniums, Simon was jolted back into reality by a sharp rap on the plate glass window to his left.

Evidently, on account of the downy print left behind, a smallish bird which was now standing dazed on the pavement had been stupid enough to fly straight into it. What had it been thinking? What could it possibly have wanted in here? Simon felt a childish urge to put his thumb to his nose and waggle his chubby fingers at it but settled instead for a quiet chuckle and slipped back into his comic.

On and on he read but a few pages from the end, just as Slugman was slowly creeping up on his nemesis to take ultimate revenge, Simon's pocket began to vibrate frantically. Several nearby hipsters looked on in concerned silence.

Realising the significance of this phone reminder, Simon checked his watch, registered the advanced hour and hurriedly gathered his things together. Yes, the comic was good but it wasn't worth missing Number Number: The Number Quiz for. He had to get home and quickly.

The sharp sense of motivation injected into proceedings was unfortunately quite unfamiliar to Simon and, losing his head a bit, he made a charge for the back door. A place like this had to have a back door. Any coffee house worth it's salt has a back door. Even his damp little hovel of an apartment had a back door. Of sorts.

Nero's Pantry didn't have a back door and Simon's nose realised this a split second before his brain did. The thud as he ran straight into the plate glass window, not a door in sight, was truly prodigious and startled several baristas. As he slid down the pane leaving a trail of bloody saliva behind him Simon felt well and truly deceived.

Outside, a smallish bird paused to watch.

[DATo]

I really enjoyed this piece at every level. Your writing style (phrasing) is excellently suited to my palate and the moralistic ending ... A haughty spirit goeth before a fall. ... was an excellent and humorous twist, and I am all about twists endings to short stories.

My compliments!

[Zupanatural]

I really enjoyed this piece at every level. Your writing style (phrasing) is excellently suited to my palate and the moralistic ending ... A haughty spirit goeth before a fall. ... was an excellent and humorous twist, and I am all about twists endings to short stories.

My compliments!

Thanks very much, DATo- I'm glad you enjoyed it

When it comes to short stories, I def hold the same belief about finishing with a twist or trying to incorporate unpredictability as much as possible. Always good to keep the reader on their toes!

[TheRavensWoods]

I really enjoyed this story. I could easily picture the environment and I love that he got what he deserved. especially the little bird watching. I pictured a little yellow canary with its head cocked at the slumped form of the man. Great work! Thanks for the chuckle.

[Zupanatural]

I really enjoyed this story. I could easily picture the environment and I love that he got what he deserved. especially the little bird watching. I pictured a little yellow canary with its head cocked at the slumped form of the man. Great work! Thanks for the chuckle.

Thanks for the feedback- much appreciated