Ruptured by Tarek Refaat gave me a new perspective on life.

[Listentome]

I've read a lot of books over the years, but this is one book that has impacted my life. I was hesitant to read Ruptured at first and here is why. The book is about a rape victim named Farida, who faces a society that looks down on her. I normally read books about how blue the sky is, lol. After reading this book I was tossed back into reality and how evil the world can be. The author did a tasteful job of writing this heartfelt book. I wasn't aware of how different cultures treat victims of rape. Farida is a strong woman trying to get her life back together. She is able to stand strong against everyone's piercing looks. I feel that this book can change anyone's opinon about the way they see life. I would recommend this book to victims, and friends & families of victims. 

Available on Lulu

[patrickt]

In many ways it depends. One rape does not equal another rape.

[Buttons]

In many ways it depends. One rape does not equal another rape.

I do agree with what patrickt is stating here. I also had to think twice before voting. I felt yes in a way for I would be more sensitive towards the rape victim in that essence. However, I would never find myself judgeing a rape victim, nor being rude or insensitive to the victim. Rape is rape. It is violent and demeaning let along the impact and scars which the victim carries with them forever more.

[patrickt]

In many ways it depends. One rape does not equal another rape.

I do agree with what patrickt is stating here. I also had to think twice before voting. I felt yes in a way for I would be more sensitive towards the rape victim in that essence. However, I would never find myself judgeing a rape victim, nor being rude or insensitive to the victim. Rape is rape. It is violent and demeaning let along the impact and scars which the victim carries with them forever more.

I have talked with many women who have been raped. Each one was different and in some ways each rape was different. I remember a woman quite well who had been raped. It was her ninth rape. Differnt towns. Different men. Nine rapes. They all started in bars. They all began with her getting very, very drunk. In the rape we were talking about she stood up at closing time and said she'd do anything for a ride to a town fifty miles away. She got her ride and on the way there she got raped. I recall having a long talk with her about life style choices and alcohol. She left town a few weeks later and I suspect nothing in her life changed including the frequency of the rapes.

Another woman I talked to had been dragged down an alley and gravel was so deeply embedded in her buttocks it had to be removed surgically. It was a horrible, brutal crime. There simply wasn't much to say except we would try to find the S.O.B.

And there was the 20-year old woman who invited her 45-year old college instructor to a party. They had a few drinks and she invited him to her apartment where they had about six drinks each. They decided he was too drunk to drive home and she invited him to sleep at her place. They both undressed totally and got in her double bed. She woke up some time later and you wouldn't believe what he was doing. I believed it and later when she asked me if I thought she'd behaved stupidly and said what I thought didn't matter. When she said she'd been stupid I certainly didn't disagree with her.

My reaction to these three cases were quite different and how I spoke with the women was different in each case. One thing I learned over the years was that the victims of rapes were usually strong, capable people. They dealt with it, some better than others, but they dealt with it. Frequently, the secondary victims had a harder time. That would be people who weren't there and didn't deal with it such as parents and husbands or children. They had to deal with it in their imagination.

[Evapohler]

if I keep a diamond necklace in a steel coated room, and in the middle of the room is an iron safe, and connected to the safe is a bomb, and still someone robs me, well, that's tragic.

and if I'm out walking among friends, and I have my diamond necklace hanging carelessly from my purse, dangling and shining before all to see, and someone comes up to me and snatches my diamonds, well, that's a tragedy, too.

I might have been wiser in the first case and too trusting of humanity in the second case, but the fact of the matter is, they're my diamonds, and the filthy hands that take them without my permission still belong to a thief.

[patrickt]

if I keep a diamond necklace in a steel coated room, and in the middle of the room is an iron safe, and connected to the safe is a bomb, and still someone robs me, well, that's tragic.

and if I'm out walking among friends, and I have my diamond necklace hanging carelessly from my purse, dangling and shining before all to see, and someone comes up to me and snatches my diamonds, well, that's a tragedy, too.

I might have been wiser in the first case and too trusting of humanity in the second case, but the fact of the matter is, they're my diamonds, and the filthy hands that take them without my permission still belong to a thief.

Exactly, Eva. Other than each case involving a thief, the differences are stark. A man with a knife took my nephew's backpack which included his laptop. A friend of mine, a retired college professor, went to the bathroom and left his laptop sitting on a table in a popular student cafe. When he came back it was gone.

I told my nephew that I was happy he wasn't hurt. I told my friend he was an idiot, a proposition with which he readily agreed.

Both lost a computer to thieves but my comment to them was quite different. That was the point, wasn't it.

In the three cases I cited, all three involved rapists. That was their only similarity.

[Evapohler]

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it seems to me that you were implying that in two of the cases you described, that, well of course there was rape, as though it would be expected that if a woman allowed a man to spend the night and cuddle, well, what should she expect? It's like leaving a lap top in a cafe. You're asking for it.

The other thing all three cases had in common was that there were victims.

[patrickt]

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it seems to me that you were implying that in two of the cases you described, that, well of course there was rape, as though it would be expected that if a woman allowed a man to spend the night and cuddle, well, what should she expect? It's like leaving a lap top in a cafe. You're asking for it.

The other thing all three cases had in common was that there were victims.

I'm sorry but the "asking for it" is a catch phrase that has lost all meaning other than political. Do I think in any of the three cases I gave the victim could have reasonably avoided the crime? Of course. Don't you? Do I think one rape equals another rape in all respects? Of course not. Do you?

So, my reaction to someone telling me they were raped would, to a certain extent, depend on what they had to say. For some, I feel really incredible anger at the person who attacked them and incredible empathy with the victim. Others, less anger and less empathy.