What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

[DesireeRose]

I think the best way to overcome abuse is to go to therapy and get out of the clutches of the trauma. Both things are really difficult to do, and Natalie did a pretty good job overcoming it by moving against her stepfather.

[revna01]

That's a tricky one. A lot of people never overcome the effects of abuse. I venture to say even most will fall into that category. Having a support system of trusted individuals, finding strength in survivor's stories, perhaps church, trying to find healthy outlets like excerise and counseling, may offer assistance.

[mmklundt]

I think it would be hard for a writer to describe abusive relationships unless he/she has experienced them first-hand or works in a field with victims.

Abuse and trauma isn't something that someone can overcome on their own. It physically changes the brain to a point where logic has been altered. I believe finding something that can cause relaxation and reduce stress (art) is a great coping mechanism but can't be the only treatment being utilized.

[Kinkini]

Abuse and trauma have many forms. Sometimes they show and sometimes they just don't. It completely depends on the victim and his/her capability to come out of it. In certain situations, only a compassionate helping hand can pull the victim out of his/her trauma. It takes time, but the support helps the victim to heal faster. However, in other situations, the victim has to pull himself/herself out of the trap. This happens when the victim lives in an environment not conducive to healthy living.

Although I am not really happy the way her life takes turns, Natalie found happiness in art because that is what she loved to do. I think if an abuse victim can find that one thing that keeps him/her going, it should help them come out of the situation. However, the best way to overcome abuse is by accepting that it is abuse and raising your voice against it.

[Cristina Chifane]

I agree with most of the things you mentioned. I have only one small remark regarding the difficulty of describing abusive situations. I have in mind Toni Morrison's novels Beloved and The Bluest Eye. In Beloved, a mother prefers killing her child for fear of sharing her fate as a slave whereas in The Bluest Eye, a girl is abused and finally raped by her alcoholic father. I watched a video with an interview taken to Toni Morrison about Beloved - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP6umkgMRq4. What she says is that it was incredibly hard to find the language to describe the story of a mother who was so desperate as to kill her child and that precise moment is so buried in the text that you have problems finding it. For me, Toni Morrison is an incredible writer and she did find the words to touch anyone to tears.

I am so glad you mentioned Toni Morrison! I think she is an incredible writer with an incredible way with words. I do not think a writer has to have personal experience to write about certain topics. In fact, personal experience could hinder a writer if they are not ready to address the experiences and thoughts. I think it just depends on the writer the same way I think everyone is different and the paths for overcoming abuse and trauma varies from person to person.

Yes, you are right. This is exactly what Toni Morrison was confessing in the interview. She was saying that she had to find a way to express the characters' pain and suffering although she did not experience any of it herself. Reading about them or at least reading the official historical version of some of the events does not suffice to actually be able to transform them into a notable work of fiction.

[Cristina Chifane]

I think the best way to overcome abuse is to go to therapy and get out of the clutches of the trauma. Both things are really difficult to do, and Natalie did a pretty good job overcoming it by moving against her stepfather.

I have recently talked to somebody who went to therapy and she felt worse. However, I still believe that talking to a good therapist may help a person face his/her demons and gradually learn to live with them or overcome them altogether. In Natalie's case, I am afraid such an option was out of question considering her situation and the times.

[Cristina Chifane]

That's a tricky one. A lot of people never overcome the effects of abuse. I venture to say even most will fall into that category. Having a support system of trusted individuals, finding strength in survivor's stories, perhaps church, trying to find healthy outlets like excerise and counseling, may offer assistance.

Thanks for your suggestions. I think they may all work in helping the abused person to a certain extent, as you have mentioned. I guess the overwhelming feeling such a person has is that he/she desperately wishes for the abuse not to have happened in the first place. What is incredibly hard to accept is that it did happen and he/she has to live with this.

[Cristina Chifane]

I think it would be hard for a writer to describe abusive relationships unless he/she has experienced them first-hand or works in a field with victims.

Abuse and trauma isn't something that someone can overcome on their own. It physically changes the brain to a point where logic has been altered. I believe finding something that can cause relaxation and reduce stress (art) is a great coping mechanism but can't be the only treatment being utilized.

That's why fiction is after all so different from any other writing genre. It's one thing to read a dry medical report about an abuse and quite another to build up a story so emotional that it really touches the readers' innermost feelings and triggers a complexity of reactions such as compassion, empathy, revulsion, etc.

Abuse is indeed so problematic that I also think it is almost impossible to overcome it on your own. Unfortunately, many people have no other choice but to handle things on their own because those around them do not understand what they are passing through. This is why professional help is needed.

[Mwanyalo]

Many different kinds of families normally pass through a hard times in their homes.Most situations happen to be child abuse,teenage abuse and women abuse.In the family,these members are emotionally abused,physically abused and even, psychologically abused.The book is intriguing.It makes the reader to vest all the intimacy and makes one to recognize of his self behaviors in comparison with the character's status.

[Cristina Chifane]

Many different kinds of families normally pass through a hard times in their homes.Most situations happen to be child abuse,teenage abuse and women abuse.In the family,these members are emotionally abused,physically abused and even, psychologically abused.The book is intriguing.It makes the reader to vest all the intimacy and makes one to recognize of his self behaviors in comparison with the character's status.

I think you have just pointed out a very important fact. Even if the idea may seem far-fetched at first, abuse is indeed present in many families in one way or another. In my opinion, parents should always assume resposibility for their actions as parents and try to pay a lot of attention to their status of role models for their children.

[Cristina Chifane]

As an introvert and someone who was emotionally abused for years, I found solace in quiet time: running, yoga, reading.

I have trouble admitting I was emotionally abused too, but I think this was the case. I guess reading, writing and dancing were my getaway in many cases. To make you smile, I can add that I am too lazy for running and much too impatient for yoga.

Ha, you DID make me smile! It's the little things right?!

I guess so.

[Eryn Bradshaw]

I do think that there's not just one best way of responding to abuse or traumatic experiences. Some people just handle things in different ways, and that's perfectly fine. I think that the way Natalie handled things fit her character well. It's definitely not just the step-father's fault, some of the blame is on the mother. There was certainly a lot of manipulation on Alex's part to Irma, and it's frustrating to see that happen. Overall, I think Linnane did really well depicting events in the book though. It's definitely got to be difficult to write and describe situations like in Ironbark Hill. I don't think anyone enjoys reading uncomfortable situations, but it wasn't completely over the top and unbearable. It was enough to make a point.

[mcfeealexis]

I feel that her finding something that she can do is very important for her to get away from that environment. Being abuse you will always think about why you were abused, so having something else to do is always important.
I think the father is the most important person when it comes to her abuse because he was the one abusing her, but that does not mean others could not have help her out in that situation.
I feel that writing about abuse is hard if you have never experience it because people handle it in many different ways. As an example I was emotional abuse, but did not even realize it until later on in my life when the effects started to playout in my life.

[SparklesonPages]

This is such a difficult question. Essentially the is no cookie cutter way of overcoming abuse and trauma. It would be best for the individual to determine what feels right or what gives them peace.

[KLafser]

What is your view on the matter? Is the alcoholic father the only responsible in the family equation?

I'm currently about 40% through the book and am troubled by the sense here, as well as in real life, where alcohol is the explanation for abuse and is simply accepted. I recognize the battle between Natalie and Alex goes beyond that and is contentious at best, but the alcohol seems to magnify it. It bothers me that this is allowed to go on until she is seriously hurt. I believe that Alex is solely responsible and should be accountable for his actions; however, my general feeling is that parents are responsible for keeping each other "in-check" and try to balance each other. So, net-net, Natalie's mother, Irma, has a level of responsibility to prevent the abuse.

That said, there is an inference that Irma is abused as well and my experience (in real life) is that people who are in an abusive situation have a challenge recognizing the depth of the abuse and/or have some level of Stockholm Syndrome where the defend the abuser's actions as something they caused. With that in mind, I would imagine it's difficult to balance out that kind of a partner.