What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

[luchiann]

There is no single way of dealing with abuse in a home, especially for a child who is reared in such a home. Often times the child may grow up with the idea that such abuse is normal. Friends and the arts are always a good way to get out of the toxic situation; where even that much at least is available.

[KLafser]

Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences?

This is a tough question because it varies by person, depth of abuse, and their response to the abuse. I've read accounts of people who were severely abused, physically and psychologically, who turned out to be amazing, functioning adults as well about those on the opposite end of the spectrum who are crippled by their past, or worse, repeat the behavior. The thing I find to be common to the success stories is some sort of intervention, either during or after the abuse, that allows the abused person to build self-esteem and confidence. That could manifest as simply as a place to go that lifts them up and keeps them away from the abuser (after-school program, library with a supportive/engaging staff, etc) or as something more complex like an abusee-rehab kind of place (does that even exist?).

If your someone who is trying to help the abused person, that's even trickier. You respond by being supportive, offer a path out, but ultimately, you have to let them make the decision to leave the situation. Of course, that changes when a child is involved and can not make that decision. My only point here is, you can't help if the individual doesn't want help or won't leave the situation.

That's a lot writing that doesn't really answer the question, but is there one clear answer?

[KLafser]

Do you think it is difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations?

I can't even imagine. In order to do it well, it has to come from a place of experience - whether that is real or imagined, it has to take its toll. I think this particular author does a fantastic job; she is very descriptive so far throughout the book whether it's describing the landscape or the situation. To me, the abuse scenes would be mental torture.

[FilmStar]

The best way to cope with abuse is to get out of the situation as fast as you can. Call the authorities and turn him in and have your younger siblings come with you. There's therapy so that you can vent about what you're feeling and it helps to channel your feelings in a positive way instead of substance abuse and self-harm. Creative ways like painting, writing songs, journaling, poems, etc should help. No matter what, do not keep your feelings inside.

[Jaime Lync]

The protagonist in Ironbark Hill is sixteen-year-old Natalie Chapman. She has to cope with verbal, physical and psychological abuse from an alcoholic stepfather. Her answer is fighting back mistreatment and finding a refuge in art.

What is your view on the matter? Is the alcoholic father the only responsible in the family equation? Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences? Do you think it is difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations?

I think that art is a natural response to anything that causes pain. We want to pour out our hurt and that comes out as painting, or writing poetry/ songs for some of us.
I also think that writing about abusive situations is both easy and difficult - it may come easily to the pen but the mind may not tolerate expressing a certain level of abuse - that's my 2 cents on the matter.

[Jaime Lync]

Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences?

This is a tough question because it varies by person, depth of abuse, and their response to the abuse. I've read accounts of people who were severely abused, physically and psychologically, who turned out to be amazing, functioning adults as well about those on the opposite end of the spectrum who are crippled by their past, or worse, repeat the behavior. The thing I find to be common to the success stories is some sort of intervention, either during or after the abuse, that allows the abused person to build self-esteem and confidence. That could manifest as simply as a place to go that lifts them up and keeps them away from the abuser (after-school program, library with a supportive/engaging staff, etc) or as something more complex like an abusee-rehab kind of place (does that even exist?).

If your someone who is trying to help the abused person, that's even trickier. You respond by being supportive, offer a path out, but ultimately, you have to let them make the decision to leave the situation. Of course, that changes when a child is involved and can not make that decision. My only point here is, you can't help if the individual doesn't want help or won't leave the situation.

That's a lot writing that doesn't really answer the question, but is there one clear answer?

A very good analysis of the question right here. Totally agree with this. The intervention point is so true. I think a lot of these interventions leading to success are divinely appointed.

[mingyums]

This is such a sensitive and tough issue to portray, so yes in answer to the final part of your question yeah it's definitely a difficult one for a writer to describe. However, at the same time I'm glad the author has tackled it because more representation means more raising of general awareness, which hopefully leads to more victims getting the help or advice they need. Even sparking off discussions like this one is a good thing and I'm loving some of the responses above!

[Natalie MT]

Natalie does a good job overcoming her own abuse, by fighting back. I don't think there's any specific best way to overcome abuse, as everyone is different. Talking things out, and learning is an excellent way, though.

I have just started reading the novel, but I know that Natalie becomes emotionally involved with her employer's husband. I was thinking that she passes from one abuser to another in this way. You are right about talking things out. In her case, it would have been great if her mother had supported her or if at least she had confided in other persons of her own age.

I think that's such an accurate view of what happened. Natalie moved from a known abuser to someone who abuses his power over her. I don't think she would've known what to do with herself in a relationship that was healthy for her and supported her at that point. She's never had a model for that behavior or kind of relationship.

For most people overcoming abuse and abusive situations takes time and help. Abused people have developed and been conditioned into a different worldview than others, and it's a difficult view to overcome. It's also a difficult view for authors to find the words to describe unless they've been through that kind of situation.

[N_R]

Personally, I think that you can tell which authors have experienced abuse themselves from people who have read about it and try to portray it. I think that abuse is so rampant in our society that it is a prominent topic, however, it needs to be given due respect. It can be very hard to depict the effects of abuse as everyone responds to these differently.

[Julehart1]

Everyone deals with abuse differently and I don't know if there is one right way. I think the best way is to try to get out of the situation and call the authorities, but I have never been in that situation so maybe it's easy for me to say. Some people stay with their abusers for years and some end up paying with their lives. It's obviously horrible. I think writing about abuse can be hard, especially if the author has been abused themselves. Escaping abuse through art makes sense, as people use their creative side and their imagination to get away from the terrible reality of their situation.

[Samy Lax]

I think Natalie shows strength of character and does a good job overcoming her own abuse. She is a fighter, and I respect that.

Irrespective of what has been done to you, it’s up to you to decide what to do with it. Pain can have a strong transformative power and way of leading people in the right directions. I know it’s easier said than done, but speaking up is the first step someone can take in such a situation.

[Bianka Walter]

I must say, I had trouble reading through the abusive sections in the book. I am lucky enough to say that I have never, nor have I ever known anyone that has struggled with any form of abuse. I think it must be a very difficult subject to write about, and for sufferers to read about.
I also don't think there is any right or wrong way to deal with it. Everyone is different, but asking for help is always a good start

[shraddharm]

I have never been abused but I was traumatized due to my illness awhile back. It took me a lot of encouragement from my parents and family members to overcome it but most of all something that helped me was my faith in myself. So it depends on us to how to handle these feelings and in the end it feels nice to get past them.

[DesireeRose]

I think the best way to overcome abuse is to go to therapy and get out of the clutches of the trauma. Both things are really difficult to do, and Natalie did a pretty good job overcoming it by moving against her stepfather.

I have recently talked to somebody who went to therapy and she felt worse. However, I still believe that talking to a good therapist may help a person face his/her demons and gradually learn to live with them or overcome them altogether. In Natalie's case, I am afraid such an option was out of question considering her situation and the times.

Yes, good therapists are very hard to find, and a lot of them do not deserve their jobs.

Nevertheless, I was trying to answer the question in general, and not specifically to Natalie’s case, because therapy was obviously out of the question for her.

[briellejee]

The abusive father is just one person in the equation. The people who are just observing this father abuses his daughter are also responsible. Overcoming trauma and abuse is difficult and I can relate to the story. I wasn't much physically abused but was verbally and mentally abused by my parents, especially my dad. I had to take refuge in art too to help me go trhough it. I am still going through it though. Some days you thought you've overcome it but there would be days where it comes right back up in your mind and in your dreams. Being a writer myself too, writing abusive scenes works both ways: it is difficult if you've been through it because you have to reopen the wounds and it's like you're reliving it. Second, i realized writing and talking about it helps you in accepting and facing what happened.