What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

bookworm60 · Post by **bookworm60** » 15 Apr 2018, 04:55

Out of sight out of mind. Counseling is the best way to overcome abuse and Trauma my opinion anyways. Never forget the abuse or trauma it has become part of your life but that doesn't mean you have to let it control your life. "Oh, I have back flashes of the abuse and trauma. Face them head on and learn in a healthy way that benefits for you for your well being and mental and emotional well being. In light of my own experiences of the trauma and abuse I had to adore at a very young age...seven years old it all started. I won't go into details but how I overcome the abuse and trauma I had to face..I came to realize nobody can't help me unless I reached out for help. I believe once you reach out for help and be honest with yourself that I needed help to overcome the past childhood abuse and trauma by talking about it, open up and releasing it; life gets easier accepting it happen and can't change the past. Praying and submitting into God's care. Start forgiving those who harm you and caused the trauma, it is then you'll be free. Love yourself, forgive yourself. Pick up a hobby, sewing, walking, reading, It is so true that one never overcomes abuse or trauma..they just learn to accept it and live with it. Change your way of thoughts..think positive..tell yourself you are a strong person Don't let the abuse and trauma you had to go through live you, you live life and mark up as an experience and life your head up high..With Faith, Love, Hope..my personal relationship with God are the main reasons I am strong woman today. Find the support from others rather it be a family member you can trust, or a friend, Open Up and talk about it, Release it and then let it go. Taking one baby step at one foot at a time.

Elizabeth Pass · Post by **Elizabeth Pass** » 15 Apr 2018, 10:00

Every situation is different but I think the best way to respond is to not accept the abuse--whether that means fighting back like Natalie or getting away from the abuser. The worst thing one can do is accept it as his/her fate or the norm. Stay strong.

cpru68 · Post by **cpru68** » 15 Apr 2018, 17:51

I think the author did a fantastic job making the household and this subject matter seem extremely real. As I was reading, I began to wonder if the author had first hand experience with this as it was so detailed and true to life. In my opinion, the most unhelpful and just as responsible party to the abuse was Natalie’s mother. I was so angry when I read the part where she is tending after Natalie’s wounds and calls in “sick” to her employer on her behalf. It sends the message to the child that a cover up must continue. The abuse was allowed by this woman toward her children. She threatens to throw him out, then doesn’t. To me, the mom was smacking Natalie right along with the step father due to her enabling of all this. So, how does one go on in life after this? I have not been in this extreme of a situation, but my guess would be not to accept it as normal. This is what Natalie was doing when she stood up to her abuser. Even though she got hit, she was sending a message to him that she wasn’t intimidated by him. At that point, if she knows it’s not right, tell someone and get help. Bring it into the light and out of the dark.

rusalka · Post by **rusalka** » 16 Apr 2018, 03:43

There’s a lot that one can do themselves to overcome these things or find a sort of distraction, but in the long run, seeking professional help is definitely a way to go, for many different reasons. Sometimes the trauma can stay with us for years after and we don’t even know it, so it has to be faced head-on.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:10

paul48 wrote: ↑11 Apr 2018, 08:46 The first step to overcoming abuse and trauma is to remove oneself from that situation, if the abuse is happening now. Then acknowledge it, and accept that nothing you thought or did made you deserve it. The next step is to seek help and support to overcome the effects of this abuse on your self-esteem and your relationships with others. Individual therapy can help, and a support group can be very powerful. It will give you the chance to accept the support of others who have been abused, and to help others as you are helped. There is no quick fix, but support can help you in the present.

It's definitely a long term effort, so the sooner one starts the recovery process, the better. I think Natalie never fully recovered from the traumatic experiences in her past.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:13

zilizopita1998 wrote: ↑11 Apr 2018, 14:11 I was greatly pleased to learn that Natalie resists abuse against her. In my own opinion, I think the best way to overcome abuse is to master the signs of its coming and to implement effective preventive measures. Prevention is always better than cure.

Generally speaking, I can't but agree with you, but cases such as Natalie's are far more complex than that. Her mother was the only person who could have changed things if she had been strong enough.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:22

Kendra M Parker wrote: ↑11 Apr 2018, 17:38 While I was not personally abused in my childhood, my husband and I adopted two children with history of abuse. Watching them heal has been enlightening. I think the biggest thing that allowed them to start the healing process was finally realizing that they were in a safe place. It is a slow process, but they are healing, and that pain of the trauma they have experienced is fading.

For a time right after the adoption, my artistic daughter would not touch any of her art. It wasn’t until she had healed enough that she could finally bring herself to pull it out again.

What you did is pretty amazing. I hope you know that. I think your children were fortunate to have had the chance of putting the past behind them. When the pain is still fresh, I think it is difficult to find comfort in anything at all, even in something you used to love. From what I've read, I've learnt that you need to keep doing things although you feel everything is useless. Step by step, the joy of life may return. Thanks for sharing this!

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:31

CheyenneR wrote: ↑11 Apr 2018, 18:28 I believe that everyone has a different way to deal with trauma but I think that Natalie dealt with it the best she could given the circumstances. I think that it also depends on whether or not the author has experienced the type of trauma they write about. Some writers may have a hard time writing about certain types of abuse but not others. I think it all depends on personal experience.

I don't know what to say about Natalie. Let's not forget that at some point in her life she was so desperate that she was willing to let Alex fall into the river rather then save him.

rivera_cherry81 · Post by **rivera_cherry81** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:33

It's okay or it's normal for you to fight back mistreatment, because maybe for yourself you would be pleased and be happy to save your own life from the way your drunkard and abusive of a father do to you. It's okay for you to be anxious and scared maybe you will be mostly be depressed but you can overcome it, probably it will take time for you to overcome it but unless if you try to be more independent and keep believing to yourself that you can, then you will surely can. Being mistreated either physically or psychologically can make you feel less hope for yourself to have your own freedom but don't just loose hope there are many ways to leave that mistreatment,the first way is to think, reflect and just your fear, anger, sadness or any type of emotion that you truly feel be written in your journal. Second way is to let someone maybe your friend if you have any or you can go to professional officials and let them know how your abusive of a father mistreated you with your evidence, it could be any scars or wounds from your body maybe some videos of you being abusive or pictures. Now the last one would be if either the first way or the second way won't work if you would try to run from your abuser make sure to know where your are going to stay, your financial problems, and make sure that you don't loose hope because loosing hope can let your freedom swept away.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:34

Misbah_Hamza wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 00:50 a person is sometimes helpless to act even to protect themselves from being abused. the only thing that can save them is their own willpower to protect them from harm and danger.

All things considered, it is indeed a matter of having a strong will and rising above circumstances.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:40

Rethabile tohlang wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 02:16 the best thing to do is seeking for professional help, since the abuser might not like the idea of being confronted by neighbours or wife

Outside help might have been useful for Natalie and her family too. You are right about the abuser not liking the idea of having to face the consequences of his actions. I remember the confrontation between Alex and Uncle Snow in the novel. Alex could not stand the other man because this reminded him of all his failures.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:43

Asen Stoyanchev wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 04:00 It is very important to have someone beside you who understands the you and knows you well.

If such a person had existed in the first place, he would not have allowed the abuse to take place. Anyway, I agree with you that it would be ideal to have somebody you know you can count on.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 07:55

Laura Ungureanu wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 05:32 The best scenes of abuses are the ones written by people who experienced it. I think that no matter what you do, the abuse will stay with you, in a part of your memory. The best way to overcome it may be professional help, depending on the gravity of the situation. But some people can get over this if they have the right persons by their side. Nonetheless, it is too difficult to cope with it by yourself.

It's a matter of whether or not you can find the strength to relive the pain and even share it with others. You may be right. If you succeed in doing this, then the artistic outcome may have a high emotional impact.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 08:01

mamalui wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 06:08 I found my outlet in religion. Reading the bible seems to work for me. Reading other books also seem to take me out of the reality of the situation. As where I'm situated there is no talking to a trained professional. I'm waiting until I relocate to seek the help I need.

I have learnt that you can use whatever keeps your mind busy. If the Bible or any other book brings you comfort, then you should not hesitate to benefit from some moments off the traumatic episodes. What I can tell you is never to lose hope, no matter what. You may never know when and how the sun will shine again.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 08:24

23melissaann23 wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 09:13 For Natalie I would definitely get away from it

She could not leave her family behind. I think this is the main reason why she did not choose to run away. Besides, the times were much different from today.