Should there be a dad?

kfwilson6 · Post by **kfwilson6** » 24 Jul 2018, 12:08

psychopathycathy wrote: ↑23 Jul 2018, 21:46 I personally don't think it's that huge of a deal either way! There are families of all kinds, and the absence of a dad in the story might make the book more relatable to children who feel like their family isn't the typical household. It would make the book interesting were a dad to read it to his child, but I don't think the lack of a dad in the book should stop that!

Several people posted in this forum that they didn't even notice dad's absence. Do we really think children are going to be so attentive that they will notice? Especially given that the two females pictured inside the house were not classified in terms of their relationship to Toni.

I agree, it's not a big deal. Maybe it is left open so children can fill in the blanks. If they do notice dad's absence, they may chalk it up to whatever situation they are familiar with: dad is mowing the lawn, dad is at work, dad and mom live in different houses, etc.

Ahlily · Post by **Ahlily** » 24 Jul 2018, 14:06

I think there are multiple pros and cons for there not being a father in the book:

Pros:

If the mom is single, showing that it is okay to only have one parent and that a child can get just as much love from one parent as they could from two.

If dad is working, showing that parents often make sacrifices (i.e. working long hours) to provide for their children.

Cons:

If the mom is single and since Toni is African American, it adds to the stereotype that African American fathers are never around. Which I know is definitely not always true.

If dad is working, it adds to the stereotype that moms stay at home, taking care of the home, while fathers bring home the bacon. I know there have been multiple occasions where I make more than my husband, and he doesn't mind at all, in fact, he would love to be a stay at home father to raise our daughter if our finances allowed.

In my personal opinion though, I think the cons outweigh the pros. I think the book would benefit with having either a single dad or having both parents present.

Farmgurl1 · Post by **Farmgurl1** » 24 Jul 2018, 17:08

I think the fact that this is a single parent household is a reality. It’s important for young kids to have the opportunity to read books that they can identify with and if they live with a single mom, it would be more relevant for them. Overall I don’t think it detracts from the story in any way.

Christina Rose · Post by **Christina Rose** » 25 Jul 2018, 03:17

kfwilson6 wrote: ↑24 Jul 2018, 12:08
psychopathycathy wrote: ↑23 Jul 2018, 21:46 I personally don't think it's that huge of a deal either way! There are families of all kinds, and the absence of a dad in the story might make the book more relatable to children who feel like their family isn't the typical household. It would make the book interesting were a dad to read it to his child, but I don't think the lack of a dad in the book should stop that!
Several people posted in this forum that they didn't even notice dad's absence. Do we really think children are going to be so attentive that they will notice? Especially given that the two females pictured inside the house were not classified in terms of their relationship to Toni.

I agree, it's not a big deal. Maybe it is left open so children can fill in the blanks. If they do notice dad's absence, they may chalk it up to whatever situation they are familiar with: dad is mowing the lawn, dad is at work, dad and mom live in different houses, etc.

I did give this book to my son to read, and we talked about it after. He never mentioned there not being a father present, and he paid a lot of attention to the illustrations.
His father and I are married, so he lives with both parents. I can’t say as to whether or not a child in a different situation would have noticed.
All in all, I don’t think anything is lost in this book because there is no father figure, but if one is introduced in the books to come, then great!

taffylee81 · Post by **taffylee81** » 25 Jul 2018, 04:46

Maybe the reason you don’t see the Dad because he doesn’t live with him or he has passed away. Not all kids live with their dad or have a relationship with them.
It could even be that the two women shown are his mums? Families come in so many different forms that maybe the author didn’t specify who the adults were so that the kids reading the story can come to their own conclusions as to how the adults fit in with Toni?

Manang Muyang · Post by **Manang Muyang** » 25 Jul 2018, 05:11

When I asked that simple question, I didn't expect to get so many interesting opinions. Thanks to all of you who have shared your two cents.
I'm reminded of the old TV sitcom "Wait Till Your Father Gets Home." That's my era, so perhaps I have a "Jurassic" mindset, LOL!

Aubrey Lewis · Post by **Aubrey Lewis** » 25 Jul 2018, 07:06

I didn't even realize that there was no dad in the story, to be honest! You make a good point. It would be great to have a dad in the next book so that we can see more illustrations regarding family life this time, or something.

AmySmiles · Post by **AmySmiles** » 25 Jul 2018, 07:56

Miriam Molina wrote: ↑01 Jul 2018, 16:01 Toni is shown enjoying many activities with Mom and his friends. I appreciate that family and friendship are subtly depicted as joyful experiences. But hey, we don't see Dad!

Do you agree with me that a dad would be a wonderful addition to the story? Dads should be shown as interested in their children's everyday lives. Maybe Dad could join as the dishwasher. What a resounding message that would send!

Yes, I agree I think the story would be even better with the addition of the Dad in the picture. Maybe he will be introduced in the next books?

kfwilson6 · Post by **kfwilson6** » 25 Jul 2018, 09:32

taffylee81 wrote: ↑25 Jul 2018, 04:46 Maybe the reason you don’t see the Dad because he doesn’t live with him or he has passed away. Not all kids live with their dad or have a relationship with them.
It could even be that the two women shown are his mums? Families come in so many different forms that maybe the author didn’t specify who the adults were so that the kids reading the story can come to their own conclusions as to how the adults fit in with Toni?

I think the openness of the family depictions is great for just that reason. Many kids can fill in the blanks to make Toni's family structure similar to their own. Even if they are familiar with a babysitter or nanny doing chores, they could make that fit too.

Chandler_Greg · Post by **Chandler_Greg** » 25 Jul 2018, 10:18

Mjgarrison wrote: ↑02 Jul 2018, 01:23 I agree it would be good to add Dad into one of them, but maybe this book is showing diversity with only one parent, or maybe Dad’s out at work.

I had the same thought - normalizing the single-parent household. It is a reality for many kids today.

Telo_2018 · Post by **Telo_2018** » 25 Jul 2018, 12:18

Children have a natural tendency to think of a mother and a father. Should there be a dad? Perhaps, that's a good suggestion to follow for this book. But even without this figure in the family, the story can still stand good as it does.

kfwilson6 · Post by **kfwilson6** » 25 Jul 2018, 13:04

Miriam Molina wrote: ↑25 Jul 2018, 05:11 When I asked that simple question, I didn't expect to get so many interesting opinions. Thanks to all of you who have shared your two cents.
I'm reminded of the old TV sitcom "Wait Till Your Father Gets Home." That's my era, so perhaps I have a "Jurassic" mindset, LOL!

You posed a great question. You brought to the forefront an aspect of the book that so many of us didn't notice, which is worthy of mention in itself. Great observation!

kfwilson6 · Post by **kfwilson6** » 25 Jul 2018, 13:06

Telo_2018 wrote: ↑25 Jul 2018, 12:18 Children have a natural tendency to think of a mother and a father. Should there be a dad? Perhaps, that's a good suggestion to follow for this book. But even without this figure in the family, the story can still stand good as it does.

There are many excellent, subtle lessons in this book no matter the family structure

Helping around the house, caring about animals, having and playing with a diverse group of friends, keeping your stuff clean, eating healthy, getting a good night of sleep, etc.

Nena_Morena · Post by **Nena_Morena** » 25 Jul 2018, 20:59

I think dad would be a great addition! It is important for kids to see that they can do activities with both parents and have both of them present in their daily life. I could see Toni and his father build or fix something, instead of washing dishes, but both ideas are good.

Raya raymond · Post by **Raya raymond** » 26 Jul 2018, 07:03

I think the author was trying to represent families without dads and that they can be just as normal and happy. However it would still have been great to have a daddy