What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 08:35

Katherine Smith wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 11:56 I think that if you have dealt with abuse, it is hard to talk about because it is personal. In this situation, it is not just the alcoholic stepfather that is at fault for the abuse. Families with addiction not only have the addict, but also the enablers. I think that other adults such as mothers or grandparents are responsible as well because they enable the addict to act the way that they do. I was emotionally abused by my mother and I still have issues with trusting people. Fortunately, my therapist Anne has been a huge help.

I don't think I am the best person to talk about trust. I have learnt the hard way not to trust people. I am glad Anne was able to help you, though. As for Natalie, I guess her life-long secret relationship with Bruce tells a lot about the effects of abuse in her case.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 16 Apr 2018, 08:41

Mrsmurphy30 wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 20:04 I think that Natalie could have possibly overcame abuse and trauma by writing expressing what she went through and words of poetry and song writing expressing the outcome in the turnouts of her life and everything that she went through and how she overcame the abused mentally physically and emotionally .

She did express her feelings, but not through writing. Landscape painting was her way out of traumatic experiences and abusive treatment. Besides, she ended up being a teacher and presumably helping other children to rise above their circumstances.

atonykamau · Post by **atonykamau** » 16 Apr 2018, 08:42

I find that having the support of friends and family is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma.

Alijeff · Post by **Alijeff** » 16 Apr 2018, 11:26

For me I think fighting back could not be the best solution to that, she should take the matter to the police and as well report to the child rights so that they can come talk to the step Dad advice him and if the situation persist then they take legal action against him.

PaigeA · Post by **PaigeA** » 16 Apr 2018, 15:39

There is a lot of research going on right now about trauma and the devastating effects it can have. I work in public health and our city is currently trying to become a "trauma informed community." I definitely think art can be a great way to deal with trauma does like the character in this book does. I worked as a music therapy intern for a year for terminally ill veterans, and I saw the amazing effect art can have for a person who is suffering through a very difficult situation or for people who had traumatic events in their past.

RebeccasReading · Post by **RebeccasReading** » 16 Apr 2018, 17:46

Everyone copes in their own to trauma. Some people need to stay busy, others need alone time. Therapy is a great resource for anyone who has the ability to utilize it.

aadenzane4 · Post by **aadenzane4** » 16 Apr 2018, 19:57

I have experienced trauma. .and it's really not easy to overcome. .it takes a years for me to overcome. .and all you have to do is pray. .be strong. .and find someone or people that you can share your experienced. .

CHRIS2428 · Post by **CHRIS2428** » 17 Apr 2018, 01:00

I guess the best way to overcome abuse and trauma is to fight back just like what Natalie did, and to stand strong no matter what it takes. Believe in yourself that you can and you will.

Asen Stoyanchev · Post by **Asen Stoyanchev** » 17 Apr 2018, 03:57

cristinaro wrote: ↑16 Apr 2018, 07:43
Asen Stoyanchev wrote: ↑12 Apr 2018, 04:00 It is very important to have someone beside you who understands the you and knows you well.
If such a person had existed in the first place, he would not have allowed the abuse to take place. Anyway, I agree with you that it would be ideal to have somebody you know you can count on.

Helas, often, not everything is in our power...

Eryn Bradshaw · Post by **Eryn Bradshaw** » 17 Apr 2018, 06:59

cristinaro wrote: ↑10 Apr 2018, 07:53
Eryn Bradshaw wrote: ↑05 Apr 2018, 08:28 I do think that there's not just one best way of responding to abuse or traumatic experiences. Some people just handle things in different ways, and that's perfectly fine. I think that the way Natalie handled things fit her character well. It's definitely not just the step-father's fault, some of the blame is on the mother. There was certainly a lot of manipulation on Alex's part to Irma, and it's frustrating to see that happen. Overall, I think Linnane did really well depicting events in the book though. It's definitely got to be difficult to write and describe situations like in Ironbark Hill. I don't think anyone enjoys reading uncomfortable situations, but it wasn't completely over the top and unbearable. It was enough to make a point.
If you remember, there is this chapter in the book immediately after the near-death belt whipping. Irma is so appalled by what Alex did to Natalie that she asks him to leave the house until he solves his drinking problem. I think Linnane did a great job in describing what it must have felt for Irma to confront her husband and to try to change things. The mature Natalie thinks her mother could at least tell herself over the years that she tried to protect her daughter from abuse.

I do remember this part and I agree, Linnane did very well writing this part. The frustration I felt for Natalie when Irma caved and allowed him to stay was so much, but I love the flaws the characters have in the book. It really made Irma more of a real character for me.

Aratmary · Post by **Aratmary** » 17 Apr 2018, 09:32

The best way to overcome trauma trauma and abuse is to firstly leave the environment where you experienced to a new environment, then seek counsel from experts on how to overcome and surround yourself with people that love and care for you.

Jackie Holycross · Post by **Jackie Holycross** » 17 Apr 2018, 11:39

I have found working through my own issues and counseling others that the longer a person focuses on who's fault it is that they were hurt, the longer they stay in pain. I had to come to the realization that I could spend my life blaming my past for ruining my present or I could take responsibility for today and make the future what I wanted it to be.
I also spent many years in counseling to help me release the pain of the past. As one of my spiritual guides tells me, forgiveness is not letting the person off the hook but choosing not to live in the pain or let it control you.

68+50 · Post by **68+50** » 17 Apr 2018, 12:25

How can you over come abuse?
Personally I feel everyone can read about it and learn as much as possible about abuse. However, to truly speak about and offer advice or suggestions of "how." You need to have experienced and lived abuse and survived it.

amy1825 · Post by **amy1825** » 17 Apr 2018, 12:35

What is your view on the matter?
I think any type of abuse or neglect is horrible. It doesn't matter who it is towards, but towards children it is exceptionally horrendous.

Is the alcoholic father the only responsible in the family equation?
Any family member that allows the abuse to happen without reporting it needs to share the responsibility.

Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences?
I love how she responds with art. Writing could be another outlet. Therapy, obviously , is the most important means of responding.

Do you think it is difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations?
I think it is very difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations if they have been abused themselves. It would draw up bad memories, but it would also be getting it out, and be a form of therapy or healing. It would not be as difficult to a writer who had no experience in abuse, but their writing would also not be as authentic or real.

Post by **Kibet Hillary** » 17 Apr 2018, 15:52

Nice seeing and knowing how different people deal with these traumatic experiences. I am sure we all indeed have our getaways that help us forget and handle some unpleasant situations or circumstances.